Updated Company Policy 2006
Dress Code
It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary.
If we see you wearing Prada Shoes and carrying a Gucci bag,we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need araise.
If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better,so you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.
If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.
Sick Days
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness.I
f you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
Personal Days
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year.
they are called Saturday & Sunday.
Toilet Use
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet.
There is now astrict three-minute time limit in the stalls.
At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken.
After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulliten board under the "Chronic Offenders category".
Anyone caught smilingin the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.Lunch
Break
Skinny people get 30 mintues for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.
Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to mantain their average figure.
Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide apositive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments,concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations,insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations,consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.
Bem, eu realmente pensei que fossem novas regras de conduta do escritorio, mas qdo chegou no Uso do toilete, eu percebi que era uma brincadeira... mas nao muito longe do que realmente pode acontecer la....mas foi divertido, eu ri muito....(ri porque quero saber por qto tempo isso vai ser so uma brincadeira.... qdo virar realidade eu conto...)
Well, until the middle of this statement, I thought would be a real new manual.. but when its says funny things about the "toilet use"i realized it was a joke, but not too far from our possibilities....
Pensei em fazer "dia de terapia"hoje, mas acho que nao vai rolar... embora eu esteja muito bem hoje, ainda assim nao acho que seja um bom dia, ou melhor, uma boa noite para isso; vejamos:
Se persarmos que:
Eh Tarde Demais para Esquecer, Por Quem os Sinos Dobram, poderemos entender porque Em Algum Lugar do Passado A Escolha de Sofia foi tao dificil. Sem contar que Esses Homens Maravilhosos e Suas Maquinas Voadoram, resolveram ir De Volta para o Futuro e A Missao Impossivel tornou a Insustentavel Leveza do Ser uma verdadeira briga entre David e Golias. Sem contar que o E.T. resolveu aparecer neste Planeta dos Macacos, tornou 9/11 uma Operacao Franca e Paris esta em Chamas, virou definitivamente Quarta-feira de Cinzas. Agora, se a gente nunca mais esquecer o Fantasma da Opera nas tardes da Belle de Jour, acredito que Adivinhe Quem Vem para o Jantar, Nunca aos Domingos, pode ser numa Sexta-Feira 13.
CHEGA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Acho que fiquei trelele de uma vez.....
Uma terapia so ja nao basta....
PLEASE, CALL 911......
CIAU !!! MAMA DO PEPINO....
Beijinho, beijinho....
Mama & Papa
P.S.: PAPUNZEL...JOGA TUA TRANCA......
p.s.s.: voces ja imaginaram se eu comecasse a falar serio hoje!!!???? minha nossa senhora, ia sobrar pra tudo quanto era lado....melhor rir....
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